34 Years of Marriage – Truly God’s Blessing

ringsMay 1980 – A God focused ceremony followed by a terrific reception…now what? The real journey was just beginning!  I married my college sweetheart and the girl of my dreams. Little did I know how really special that girl was and how her faith in God was going to change me and impact our family.

Some people say this type of loving, dedicated, long-term relationship is just a fairy tale. In today’s society of widespread broken marriages and dysfunctional families, it is so hard for many to believe a long-term committed relationship will stand the test of time. In fact, some folks ridicule a marriage like ours rooting for it to fail in order to justify their own failed relationships or simply because they desire to have others be as miserable as they are.

Has our thirty-four years of marriage been easy and perfect? OF COURSE NOT! Successful marriages require 100% (not 50/50) effort from each spouse with no one ever keeping score. You must have immense patience, tolerance, and a true desire to serve each other.

People ask me what has been the key to our successful marriage. Here’s what I say:

  1. God, the Bible, and worshiping the Trinity have to be the #1 priority for both spouses
    • This was not the case for me during the first 14 years of our marriage and it showed. I believed in God but Jesus was not my savior and I lived like it. I never abused my wife or family but my self-centered interest had a negative impact on our relationship
    • By the grace of God, my wife tolerated my ways but yet she prayed for my salvation. I am EXTREMELY fortunate that God didn’t allow our marriage to end
    • In November 1994 I gave my heart and life to Jesus transforming my understanding of a true giving, loving relationship. I was convicted of my self-centered ways and repented. The transformation in my soul and daily life was palpable resulting in a growing relationship with my beautiful spouse and children (Praise God!!!)
  2. Unconditional love for my spouse just as Christ’s love for us is unconditional. No one is perfect, so let’s not act like it. Forgiveness is the key and a true blessing.
  3. Communication is a key component of any successful relationship but I feel it is even more critical in a marriage
    • 10 years into our marriage we attended a couple’s retreat that changed my whole perspective on communication within a marriage. I had no idea how much my self-centered perspective was really hurting my spouse. We both cried so much that weekend.
    • Guys, I know it may not be natural for us BUT there is no opting out on opening up the communication channel with your spouse. It has been so refreshing even though it is still a challenge for me as a guy at times (I sometimes fall back into those quick short answers to questions with no background that she loves to know about). But I am aware of this tendency and must fight through it for the benefit of our relationship.
    • Listen, listen, listen and for goodness sakes don’t react by blurting out what you’re really thinking. This is big one for us guys that we must tame. If it isn’t a life or death issue just let it go!!
  4.  What are my priorities? I remember a time before I accepted Jesus as my Savior where I said I had 3 priorities in life: God, my career, and my family and ‘they rotated’ based on issues at the moment. Oh my gosh, what a moron!!!!! Through the study of The Word and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, I realized I had it all wrong. From that point forward my priorities have been/are:Worshiping and serving God
    • Serving my spouse, meeting her needs, and honoring our relationship
    • Serving and teaching my children and grandchildren
    • Honoring and serving our parents and other family members
    • Serving our church
    • Serving our community, neighbors and friends
    • Mentoring other men through Bible studies and small groups
    • Serving local ministries

It is important to note that my personal interest and desires do not make the list. This isn’t to say I can’t have some fun from time to time but always in perspective to these priorities.

  1. Not only honoring my spouse, but treasuring her and desiring to be with her more than anyone else. Never taking her for granted!!!

What do you think makes a strong, life-long marriage?

Posted in Family & Relationships.

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